When 'I'm Fine' isn't Fine

Rethinking Men’s Mental Health in Behaviour Support
Men’s Health Awareness Month invites us to pause and take a closer look at the way men experience and express mental health. In behaviour support, this is especially important, because distress does not always look the way we expect it to.
Often, what we see first is not sadness or low mood, but changes in behaviour.
Irritability, withdrawal, refusal, increased aggression, or shutting down are common ways distress shows up in the boys and men we support. For many, saying “I’m fine” is less about feeling okay, and more about not knowing how to explain what is going on inside.
When strength means staying silent
Many men grow up with strong messages about coping quietly, being tough, and handling things on their own. Over time, this can shape how mental health challenges are expressed.

As one of our
behaviour support practitioners and social workers, Johnson Amusan (pictured left), often sees in practice:
“Because of societal stigma around masculinity, men often mask mental health issues with anger, isolation, or substance misuse rather than sadness.
Just know that when necessary strong men do cry. Strong men also need help. Don’t tough it out. Ask for help.”
In behaviour support, this masking can easily be misunderstood. What looks like resistance or defiance is often someone doing their best to manage distress in the only way they know how.
Behaviour as communication
A core principle of behaviour support is that behaviour has meaning. When emotional language is limited or help seeking feels unsafe, behaviour becomes communication.
This might look like:
- avoiding environments that feel overwhelming
- increased frustration when demands rise
- withdrawal from relationships or routines
- escalation during periods of change or pressure
Without a deeper understanding, responses can quickly become reactive. With curiosity, these same behaviours can guide us toward what support is actually needed.
The weight of expectations
For many boys and men, pressures increase as they move into adolescence and adulthood. Independence, responsibility, and self regulation are often expected earlier than the skills to manage them.
When expectations outweigh capacity, distress grows quietly. Support may be reduced at the very time it is most needed. Over time, this can lead to burnout, disengagement, or behaviour escalation that feels sudden, but has often been building for a long time.
What helps in practice
Across behaviour support, OT, speech, and psychology, the same themes come up again and again.
Support works best when we:
- prioritise connection before compliance
- create safe ways to express emotions that do not rely only on talking
- pace goals and expectations realistically
- recognise physical health, sleep, and sensory factors
- involve the wider support team in shared understanding
Johnson reflected on this shift in thinking:
“Real strength is not about enduring suffering in silence. It is about having the courage to seek help when needed. Vulnerability is a powerful step toward healing.”
Why this matters during Men’s Health Awareness Month
Men’s mental health is not just about starting conversations. It is about noticing what is not being said, and responding differently when behaviour is the message.
In behaviour support, asking “What is driving this?” rather than “How do we stop this?” can change outcomes entirely.
By creating environments where boys and men feel safe to struggle, supported to express themselves, and understood beyond their behaviour, we move closer to what good support should always aim to do. Improve wellbeing, not just reduce incidents.
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