Why Friendships Matter: Helping Children Feel They Belong at School

July 16, 2026

One of the biggest predictors of success at school is not academic success, but a sense of belonging and emotional wellbeing. While skills like literacy, numeracy and writing are important, the strongest influences on a child's engagement at school is the feeling of acceptance by their peers.


Children who feel more connected to and accepted by their peers, are more likely to participate in learning, develop confidence, regulate their emotions and enjoy coming to school each day.   


A growing body of educational psychology research supports this. A 2019 meta-analytic review in the Oxford Review of Education, which pooled findings across secondary school students, found that a stronger sense of school belonging is linked to better academic engagement, higher self-concept and self-efficacy, and lower rates of absence and dropout. Longitudinal research has gone further, following students from adolescence into adulthood and finding that school belonging in the teenage years predicts better mental health well beyond the school gates. The feeling of being valued by others gives children the confidence to take risks, ask for help and even recover from setbacks. 


Having worked in schools for many years, I have firsthand experienced that friendships are much more than children simply playing together. They provide opportunities to practise communication and problem solving, while also giving children an opportunity to show empathy, regulate their own emotions and help with conflict resolution when needed. These everyday interactions help children develop important life skills that extend well beyond the classroom. 


However, making and keeping friends is not as easy as it seems. It is even more difficult for neurodivergent children who are diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, anxiety, language delays and emotional regulation difficulties. These children also seek social connection and want to have friends who they can play with but lack the skills to do so. They find it difficult to communicate, join group activities, understand social cues, or find common topics of interest to talk to. Without the right support, these children can begin to feel isolated, misunderstood or disconnected from school. 


This isn't just anecdotal. Research reviews on children with neurodevelopmental differences consistently identify friendship as one of the hardest areas of social functioning for this group. It is also the one that is most closely tied to quality of life, mental health and academic achievement. There are many evidence-based programmes to build social skills for children and they have all shown measurable gains in friendship quality and peer interaction for children with ASD, ADHD and related profiles. The gains that children make during these social interactions hold up over time. 


The encouraging news is that social skills can be taught by modelling and practising overtime. Here are some simple ways in which parents and carers can support their children in making and keeping friendships at school:


  • Talk about friendships regularly. Instead of asking, "Did you make any friends today?", try questions like, "Who did you enjoy spending time with?" or "What is a fun thing you did with someone today?" These conversations help children reflect on the positive social interactions they had during the day. 
  • Practise social situations at home. Engage your child in role play at home. You can play out scenarios like introducing yourself, taking turns, or figuring out how to ask someone to play with you. Rehearsing these situations helps children feel more confident when they happen at school. 
  • Encourage shared interests. Encourage your child to build skills that come handy at school and can give them an opportunity to engage with others meaningfully. These include sports, music, coding clubs, art classes or community groups. 
  • Focus on one meaningful friendship. Children do not need lots of friends. Having even one trusted friend can significantly improve their sense of belonging and emotional wellbeing. 
  • Build emotional awareness. Helping children recognise and talk about their own emotions makes it easier for them to understand the feelings of others, respond with empathy and manage conflict. 
  • Work in partnership with the school. Teachers spend considerable time with children at school and often have valuable insights into their social interactions. Working in collaboration with them can help create opportunities for positive peer connections throughout the school day. 


It is also important to remember that friendships look different for every child. Some children enjoy large friendship groups, while others are happiest with one or two close friends. The goal is not to have the most friends but to have relationships where children feel accepted, respected and able to be themselves. 


Every child deserves to experience the feeling of belonging. When children know they are valued, included and connected, they are better placed to thrive, not only socially, but emotionally and academically. Social participation and relationship development is therefore such an important factor for predicting success in friendships and forming meaningful relationships later in life. 


If you would like support to help your child develop friendships, improve social confidence or strengthen their sense of belonging at school, you can book a consultation by speaking with your allocated Behaviour Support Practitioner or by emailing our team at contact@helpz.com.au. We would love to work alongside you and your child's school to create practical, meaningful strategies that support lasting success. 


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