Tharon’s Thoughts - Autistic People Crave Connection

March 7, 2026




By Tharon

Neurodivergent Consultant at helpz


Autistic People Crave Connection, We Just Need Help Navigating It


Autistic people often come across as rude or antisocial, but the truth is we crave deep, meaningful connection. The challenge isn’t wanting relationships; it’s knowing how to make them happen. When we do engage socially, things can go sideways, and they go sideways fast. Miscommunication, mistaken intentions, and misunderstood cues create barriers that make forming friendships and maintaining them, difficult. One major reason is our limited understanding of social boundaries - a concept that neurotypical people often take for granted.


A common misconception is that autistic people prefer isolation. This couldn’t be further from the truth. We are starved for connection beyond family and paid professionals. Some of us do not even have that. However, many of us rely on professionals to meet our emotional and social needs, but even then there are levels of relationships that paid supports are unable to meet. What we really want are authentic relationships that aren’t transactional. The problem is we often don’t know the rules of engagement.


Social rules are like an unwritten manual that neurotypicals learn instinctively. For us, it’s different. We need those rules explained, mapped out, and justified. If we don’t know a boundary exists, how can we respect it? Even when we do know, we need to understand why it matters. Take eye contact, for example. Social norms say it’s polite and shows attention. For many autistic people, eye contact is distracting, we focus better by looking away. Yet, this is often misread as disrespect.


Our communication style also differs from neurotypical norms. Tone, facial expressions, and body language can be misinterpreted. We might sound blunt because we value truthfulness, we are told “be honest” but then we’re told, “that was mean and hurts my feelings.” That contradiction is confusing. And phrases like “It’s not what you say, but how you say it”- for us, tone and volume isn’t always something we can control (and same goes for facial expressions), and this leads to a misunderstanding where people incorrectly think we are upset or angry. So, how do we navigate that?


One creative way I’ve practiced social interaction is through poker nights, not for gambling, but for learning. Poker isn’t just about cards; it’s about reading people. It helped me build tolerance for social settings and sharpen my ability to interpret cues. Finding an activity that sparks interest while exposing you to social dynamics can be a game-changer.


We can learn social boundaries when they’re linked to something meaningful. For example, I love jump-scaring people, but I learned that some can’t tolerate it. I often ask for concessions for my own sensory needs, when I compared it to how I feel when those concessions are not met, it clicked. That empathy shaped my behaviour. Daily exposure and patient guidance works best. But here’s the catch: treating us like neurotypicals often invalidates our experience. We need tailored support.


Friendships for us can feel all-or-nothing. When we connect, some of us may want to be glued to someone’s hip, but that intensity can overwhelm others. Often with autistic people, our personal space bubbles are either way too big or way too small. For instance, an entire room may be our personal space, but for others, personal space does not exist. So we may be distant, or in your face. So, on initial first impressions, already there is a miscommunication. A barrier that has potentially already frightened the other person away from the friendship.


Neurotypical friendships grow slowly; ours often skip steps or feel hollow when forced to follow those steps. And when our love isn’t reciprocated? It hurts, a lot. Dating is even harder. We try too much, or not at all. We don’t mean to cling; we just want connection and don’t know how. We are doing our best with our limited understanding of the rules.


What we need is patience, guidance, and understanding. When we seem blunt, it’s not rudeness, it’s honesty. When we misread a relationship, it’s not manipulation, it’s misunderstanding. We love deeply, and when that love is shut down, it’s devastating. So next time you meet someone autistic, remember: we’re not antisocial, we’re trying. Hard. And when you help us navigate those invisible social boundaries, you’re not just teaching rules, you’re opening doors and forging the meaningful connections we crave.


Navigating Social Connections for Autistic Individuals


Did you know that research shows autistic people often experience higher levels of loneliness than neurotypicals, despite wanting friendships just as much? Our loneliness is not just a lack of connection and being lonely, it is also about not being anybody’s somebody. Studies also suggest that structured social activities, like board games or hobby groups, can significantly improve social confidence and reduce isolation. You can also introduce us to people – help us build a network around us.


Be patient with us, understand that an autistic person is not being rude, they are trying. What we need from you is patience, support, and guidance. Instead of expecting us to meet neurotypical social rules, try to also learn our social rules from our perspective, and maybe we can meet in the middle. The best thing we can be is our authentic selves.

News & Insights

Check Our Latest Resources

Navigating NDIS Plan Changes in 2026: What Participants and Families Need to Know

April 3, 2026
The NDIS continues to evolve. In 2026, many participants and families are feeling the impact of legislative updates, tighter plan reassessments, funding scrutiny and an increased emphasis on evidence and measurable outcomes. For some, this has meant shorter plans. For others, requests for additional documentation or functional evidence. For many, it has meant uncertainty. If you are feeling unsure about what these changes mean for you or your family member, you are not alone. Understanding what is shifting, and why, can help you prepare and advocate with confidence. The reform context The National Disability Insurance Scheme Amendment (Getting the NDIS Back on Track No. 1) Act 2024 introduced structural reforms designed to improve the long-term sustainability and consistency of the Scheme. Legislation: https://www.legislation.gov.au/Details/C2024A00055 Funding decisions continue to be guided by Section 34 of the NDIS Act . The broader reform direction was shaped by the Independent Review of the NDIS . What is actually changing for participants in 2026 Participants are experiencing: • Stronger application of “reasonable and necessary” criteria • Greater emphasis on functional evidence • Increased documentation requirements • More structured plan variations and reassessments • Closer alignment between goals and funded supports • Heightened compliance and cost scrutiny The NDIA Operational Guidelines clarify that supports must relate directly to functional impairment.able-and-necessary-supports The Disability Royal Commission Final Report . NDIS Quarterly Reports . The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare . Practical steps before your next plan review Request updated functional assessments early. Align goals clearly to daily functioning. Document changes, regression or increased needs. Outline risks if therapy reduces or ceases. Track measurable progress. Seek written clarification where needed. At helpz, we prioritise clear reporting, measurable outcomes and collaborative communication to support participants through change.

Disability Awareness Hub: Understanding PDA: A Neuroaffirming Look at the Demand Avoidant Profile

April 3, 2026
Pathological Demand Avoidance, sometimes reframed as Persistent Drive for Autonomy, is a profile that many people within the autism community recognise. Although PDA is not a formal diagnosis in current diagnostic manuals, many clinicians and autistic individuals describe it as a meaningful way of understanding patterns of demand avoidance that stem from anxiety, uncertainty, and a strong need for autonomy. PDA is often misunderstood, which can lead to unhelpful assumptions or the belief that individuals are being deliberately oppositional. A neuroaffirming perspective helps us understand PDA as a valid part of neurodiversity. It shifts the focus away from control and compliance and towards emotional safety, autonomy, and collaboration. What Is PDA PDA describes an anxiety driven need to avoid everyday demands, even when the person wants to participate. These demands may feel overwhelming or threatening because they involve expectation, uncertainty, or a loss of control. Common characteristics described in the PDA profile include: A strong need to avoid demands, sometimes using strategies like humour, negotiation, distraction, or retreat A style of communication that may appear socially confident at first but does not always match deeper social understanding Rapid changes in mood, often linked to pressure or anxiety A comfort with imaginative play or adopting roles, which can help manage stressful situations These behaviours are not acts of defiance. They are protective responses from a nervous system that experiences demands as a source of intense stress. Is PDA a Diagnosis PDA is not recognised as an independent diagnosis in the DSM or ICD. Many professionals view it as a profile within autism, while others see it as a pattern that can appear in a range of neurodivergent presentations. There is ongoing debate, and research is still developing. Despite this, PDA is increasingly recognised in multidisciplinary autism assessments, particularly in the United Kingdom. Families and practitioners often find the PDA framework useful because it offers a way to understand demand avoidance compassionately and practically. Why Understanding PDA Matters People with PDA are often described as oppositional or non compliant, when in reality their behaviour reflects: high anxiety sensitivity to expectations a need for predictability a strong drive for autonomy and control When misunderstood, young people and adults with PDA may experience unnecessary conflict, shame, or burnout. A more informed perspective encourages compassion and supportive strategies instead of pressure or discipline. Neuroaffirming Approaches to Supporting PDA Supporting individuals with PDA is most effective when the focus is on reducing pressure, building trust, and supporting autonomy. Reduce Demands Where Possible Small changes can make a big difference. Indirect language, gentle invitations, choices, humour, and collaborative problem solving reduce pressure and help the person stay regulated. Traditional reward systems or consequences often increase anxiety and are less effective. Increase Autonomy A sense of control helps reduce distress. Offering choices, negotiating tasks, and allowing flexibility helps build cooperation and reduces overwhelm. Support Emotional Safety PDA is closely linked to anxiety and uncertainty. Predictable routines, sensory supports, clear expectations, and a calm supportive presence can help reduce stress. Connection and co regulation often pave the way for engagement. Work With Strengths Creativity, quick thinking, focused interests, humour, and imaginative play are often strong tools for learning and communication. Using these strengths helps build confidence and makes participation feel safe. A Neurodiversity Affirming Perspective Some clinicians and advocates argue that the term PDA can be pathologising, because it suggests something is wrong with a person’s natural need for autonomy. Alternative terms like Persistent Drive for Autonomy reflect a more respectful understanding of how the individual experiences the world. This perspective views PDA as a difference rather than a problem and focuses on approaches that prioritise dignity, safety, and empowerment. Summary PDA is a meaningful way to understand how some autistic and neurodivergent individuals respond to demands. It is not about refusing for the sake of it. It is about managing anxiety, protecting autonomy, and navigating a world that often feels unpredictable or overwhelming. Awareness and compassionate understanding help families, educators, support workers, and clinicians create environments where individuals with PDA can feel heard, respected, and supported to thrive. References PDA Society. Identification and Assessment of a PDA Profile. Gerlach, J. (2024). Five Things to Know About Pathological Demand Avoidance. Psychology Today. Naseef, R., Shore, S. (2025). Reframing Pathological Demand Avoidance. Autism Spectrum News. Science Insights (2026). What Is a PDA Diagnosis. AuDHD Psychiatry UK (2026). What Is PDA Autism. PDA North America (2025). Understanding and Supporting PDA.

Moving Beyond Awareness: What Meaningful Autism Acceptance Looks Like in Everyday Life

April 3, 2026
Each year on April 2, World Autism Day gives us an opportunity to pause and reflect, not just on what autism is , but on how we as a community can create spaces where autistic people feel genuinely understood and supported. The conversation is slowly shifting from “awareness” to “acceptance,” and that shift really matters. Awareness is knowing autism exists. Acceptance is changing how we respond, communicate, and include. So, what does meaningful acceptance actually look like in everyday life? Recognising Autism as a Different Way of Experiencing the World One of the most important steps is understanding that autism isn’t something to fix. It’s a neurotype, a different way of thinking, sensing, learning, and interacting. When we frame autism this way, we stop trying to make people “fit” and start looking at how environments, routines, and expectations can better support them. Often the challenge isn’t the person; it’s the noise, unpredictability, or pace of the world around them. Listening to Autistic Voices A lot of the most valuable insight comes from autistic adults and children who openly share their experiences. Many talk about the importance of autonomy, clear communication, and having their sensory and emotional needs respected. Acceptance means asking questions like: “What helps you feel comfortable?” “How would you prefer to communicate?” “Would you like choices or support with this task?” It’s simple, but it shows respect and it gives people control over their own lives. Making Environments More Supportive Small adjustments can make a huge difference: dimmer lighting or quieter spaces clear routines or visual guides time to process information predictable transitions reducing sensory overload where possible These aren’t dramatic changes, they’re thoughtful ones. And they help create a sense of safety and calm. Respecting Different Communication Styles Not everyone communicates in the same way. Some people use spoken language, some use AAC, some use gestures or writing, and some take a little extra time to respond. All of these are valid. Supporting communication might mean waiting a few extra seconds, offering visual choices, or checking in without pressure. It’s about meeting someone where they are, not rushing them to where we think they should be. Celebrating Strengths and Interests  Many autistic people have deep interests, incredible focus, creativity, strong memory skills, or a unique perspective that adds so much richness to their families, schools, and communities. Acceptance means valuing these strengths—not dismissing them as “fixations” or redirecting them unnecessarily. Passion is a powerful tool for learning, emotional regulation, and confidence. Prioritising Autonomy Ultimately, acceptance is about supporting people to make their own choices wherever possible - around routines, communication, sensory needs, and participation in community life. When we give autistic individuals the space to be themselves, we support genuine independence and wellbeing. A Day That Reminds Us of the Bigger Picture World Autism Day isn’t about wearing a colour or posting a hashtag. It’s a reminder that inclusion happens in the day‑to‑day decisions: the conversations we have, the flexibility we offer, the assumptions we let go of, and the voices we uplift. Acceptance is ongoing work, but it’s deeply worthwhile. When we create environments where autistic people feel understood, respected, and supported, everyone benefits. It’s how we build communities where all neurotypes can thrive.